Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
