hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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