Soap is not a condiment
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
