He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
