I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
