Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize