that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
