We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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