This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
