he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
