based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
