Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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