So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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