the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
