My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
