She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
