And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she told me i tasted like america
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
