the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
