There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
