Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
