P.S. I can't hear my feet
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
