being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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