hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
40s are totally the cure
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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