What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
