my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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