If i come over, it means nothing
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
