i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
