i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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