Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
