I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
