In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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