got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
