ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
