My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
