i can't believe i had my finger in that
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
