a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
