and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
