found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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