yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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