the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
