when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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