you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
