had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
