If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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