Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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