Rock
Scissors
Fuck
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
