i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
