ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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