Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
