I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
