Swine flu. Run for my life!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize