On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
