i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
