Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
