Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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