So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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