I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
