I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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