everyone is single if you try hard enough
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
