My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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