I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
