Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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