My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
