i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
