he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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